Doomscroller II

How to unlock Doomscroller II in Cheevos. Scroll a lifetime mile of content, a supporter-tier milestone. Worth 50 XP.

The story

Partner. A mile. You scrolled a mile.

Not in one sitting. Over the whole life of your account, pixel by pixel, session by session, you have scrolled the distance of an actual mile of content. Cache converted the number himself, more than once, because he wanted to be sure.

A mile is not an abstraction to Cache. He has walked the junkyard end to end more times than he can count, and he knows roughly what that distance feels like underfoot. You did the equivalent of that walk, sitting down, one screen at a time.

The turn: Cache briefly worried this was a strange thing to celebrate. Then he remembered his entire existence is built on measuring things nobody else thinks to measure. A lifetime scroll total is exactly the kind of quiet, cumulative record he was built to keep. He is not going to apologize for finding it beautiful.

This is a lifetime achievement in the truest sense. It does not reset. It only grows.

The catalog entry

ONE MILE SCROLLED (LIFETIME) Acquired: Scrolled a total of 6,000,000 pixels over the lifetime of your session history. Condition: A genuine physical distance. Rarity: RARE. A lifetime achievement in every sense. Cache's Notes: A mile. If you had walked this distance instead of scrolled it, you would have gone from one end of a small town to the other. You did not walk it. You sat and scrolled. Cache is not saying this is better or worse. He is saying it is measurable. He measured it. It is in the Stash.

Spoiler: how to unlock it

This is a supporter-tier achievement that accumulates over your entire history with Cheevos, not just one session. Here's what counts toward it:

  1. Every pixel you scroll on every page, in every session, is added to a running lifetime total.
  2. There is no single scrolling marathon required. Regular browsing over time gets you there.
  3. Once your lifetime total passes 6,000,000 pixels, roughly the distance of one mile, the achievement unlocks.

Because this tracks a lifetime total rather than a single session, it rewards ordinary day-to-day browsing rather than one extreme scrolling session. Long-form articles, social feeds, and image-heavy pages contribute the most pixels per minute, since they have the most vertical content to move through. Anyone who reads the web regularly will eventually cross this mark simply by living their normal browsing life.

Where it fits in the Stash

Cache keeps this one filed as a lifetime record, next to the other cumulative measurements of how far you have traveled without ever leaving your chair. For the full account of the raccoon who measures everything, read the story.